Approach Anxiety: Overcoming It Using the Pain & Pleasure Principle
Approach Anxiety is by and the biggest killers of many PUA’s. Approaching is, paradoxically, the SIMPLEST step, but the HARDEST.
Approach Anxiety
Approach Anxiety is definately a massive paralyzing fear but…. here’s the silver lining, if you learn to control your Approach Anxiety well, that provides you a HUGE edge on the competition. Next time you go out, just look around, you’ll see countless SQUARES just waiting on holding beers inside their hands and perhaps 10% of the guys are in reality making approaches and only a small fraction of those make good approaches.
Approach Anxiety
Get this part handled, and well, what used to cripple you is currently just removing your competition to suit your needs. What does not kill you makes you stronger. And levels the game for you personally.
I realize how Approach Anxiety feels, you’ve just stepped foot in to the club, it’s loud, there are drunk people everywhere, it’s dark and somewhat musty plus it may seem like everyone in the club is a fantastic time with the exception of you. The truth is a couple group of girls out in the corner of the bar that you build your target.
You sit there for any second or two and try to muster in the balls to do it….
You pause and rethink your gameplan (or lack thereof)……
Your stomach clenches, your palms sweats, and everyone is staring (certainly not, you merely think they may be)…
Okay now it’s become weird and pulling the trigger is 100 times harder than it was only a few seconds ago.
You decide to not approach the set and you also visit the bar and order 2 and walk around aimlessly.
Maybe if you’re drunk enough, THEN you’ll go speak to the ladies you spotted previously however, you can’t find them.
That has been my typical night initially when i first started and i also understand that lots of guys belong to this category.
In sarging using the best PUA’s on earth, they all have one thing in accordance, they could all approach with simply no hesitancy. Take my ABCs’ Certified Instructor Ben J for instance, he genuinely will not care when he goes out. It’s just set, set, set, set, set!
I recall by far the very first times I ever cold approachedin my well being which was January 2004. I just recall being so utterly nervous that people would dislike me or I just wouldn’t hook any sets. Oddly enough, as it turned out, I found that most sets were very receptive in my experience understanding that individuals were just generally nice. I had been honestly expecting individuals to be rude or laugh at me, it rarely happened.
Overcoming Approach Anxiety
If it weren’t for that scary first approach within my life, I would never have had the oppertunity to approach and seduce probably the most beautiful women on the planet.
It struck me that, almost a touch too much common-sense for my own good. Individuals are pretty nice generally. Needless to say you’ll stumbled upon a person or two that’s likely to be rude, but that’s just inevitable.
That’s the initial step in managing your AA, proceed in to a few sets and try keeping a discussion up, perhaps it doesn’t hook, but that’s okay, you’ll realize that folks are NOT rude and that it’s not scary approaching sets. Seriously, visit a club tonight and merely randomly increase to 10 girls, smile and say “Hi!”
The first three are scary, however you realize NOTHING bad comes of these.
Another big hurdle many guys unable to get over is expectations management.
I’ll see PUAs which will approach three sets and never hook one, suddenly his ego is crushed and he’s depressed. It takes place, NOT every set will probably hook. There's no such thing like a 100%, constantly, guaranteed opener. There isn’t. Anybody who lets you know differently is trying to market you something.
There have been nights when I first started where I might undergo 10 sets and none would hook, obviously my ratio’s tend to be better nowadays, but that most came with practice, diligence, and releasing any expectations or outcome. Don’t get hung up on a single set. Instead, make 10-20 approaches, analyze the cumulative results, one set won’t tell you anything.
What you’re trying to do is accumulate the kind of social and emotional intelligence that you need to have acquired whenever you were 16 yrs . old and condensing it down into the 6 to 2 numerous years of Beginner’s Hell.
When I first started out, I wrote weekly field reports. I kept meticulous records of everything Used to do, the amount of sets hooked, how many phone numbers I acquired, whoever else. And continuously, I noticed pretty consistent results after some variance in some places.
Needless to say with time I saw improvement, but what I’m wanting to convey the following is to mentally plan for your losses. Recognize that you'll get blown away from set and it is just section of the game. If you’re going 0/60 on hooking sets, obviously you should re-assess.
In that case, you’re probably coming off as incredibly creepy together with your gestures. Understand that women are infinitely more versed at detecting weakness and nervousness within your body language and nonverbal sub-communication which, 9 times away from 10, is probably where you’re going wrong. It’s not the words of one's opener itself.
Initially when i first started pickup, without experience, I might probably hook 3 away from 10 sets making some tangible progress. Nowadays, I'm able to hook about 3 out of 4 sets and when I’m really in my A casino game as well as in state, I’ll have nights where I will hook anything.
If you learn your Approach Anxiety creepy back to your conscience, that’s fine, don’t transform it into a goal to get number or a kiss over the following set. Otherwise your expectation for a result will just improve your Approach Anxiety, just burn from the next five sets in anticipation of having your Approach Anxiety in order again.
Put everything into perspective and it’ll allow it to be much simpler on yourself emotionally.
Overcoming Approach Anxiety
Ben J is just one of my up and coming coaches, when he overcame his approach anxiety, he’s become probably the most excellent PUAs I’ve dealt with
Accountability is simply as important in grab for your progress as it is in other things. Should you say you’re going to open ten sets an evening make sure you take action and well, if you’re not terribly self disciplined like myself, provide your wingman (you actually have a wingman right? In the event you don’t, then check out our Pick Up Artist Forums and discover one!) $200 and simply tell him to cause you to earn it back for every set you need to do.
For your average PUA, it will take about 200 approaches before you start becoming emotionally resilient towards your Approach Anxiety, it never really goes away completely entirely, however it definitely becomes manageable to a degree where you’re indifferent into it.
While your first particular date may be rough, keep in mind that the initial night out is the hardest plus it only gets easier following that. When you can approach a few hundred sets and achieve this degree of emotional mastery, not merely perhaps you have overcome the most challenging sticking point, you should have approached more women because period than most guys do in a lifetime.
So…. nobody said it was likely to be easy, but hey, nothing in life worthwhile is, time and energy to suck it!